Being, Becoming and Belonging

Posted on February 2, 2021 by admin

I’ve had the title of this post for a while but have been struggling to coherently weave all the pieces together. Then this photo appeared. As the cliche goes, a picture is worth a thousand words. Or ten thousand! Being, Becoming and Belonging. Look at the eyes, ears and nose of the deer and imagine how much of the world she is taking in moment to moment!

A four year old boy was playing in the back yard of a house in Virginia and met a friend. He brought his new buddy to the back door because he wanted to invite her in and share a bowl of cereal. His mother, a bit startled at first, had the presence of mind to capture this moment before explaining to her son that the baby deer’s mother was probably worried and that they should take her back to the forest behind the house.

The boy and baby deer radiate pure being: innocent, open and fully present. They are both becoming more aware of their world, of themselves, growing, expanding, opening to new possibilities that life is offering them. And their shared belonging arises because they know, intuitively, that they come from the same tribe, the same community of all beings, sharing aliveness and a gentle, understated but unconditional love. A fleeting moment captured as a message from Wholeness, teaching adults something we may have forgotten.

We all have, at the core of our being, this innocence and unconditional love for life and all of creation. As this is our True Nature, it can never be taken away, but it easily is buried away under layers of thoughts, beliefs, ideologies and other forms of conditioning. Innocence and openness are quickly replaced by mistrust and fear and we lose our way, both individually and collectively.

One of the great challenges on the path of embodied evolutionary awakening is learning how to refine our discriminating intelligence so we can weed out the pathological ideas and beliefs that obscure and inhibit the ongoing unfolding and integration of Being, Becoming and Belonging. The survival of our planet as a source of life and the nurturing of all life forms, including the humans, requires the continued nurturing of these three modes of Divine existence.

Humans are social animals and the need for belonging is a powerful force in our lives. Tribes and communities feed our emotions and emotions provide the energies that move us through all the dimensions of our lives. Emotions are the fuel of becoming and belonging and we are living in a crisis of belonging. The tremendous restrictions on normal social interactions in response to the the Covid virus has greatly exacerbated this crisis, and the acceleration of technological change will keep amping up the pressure long after Covid is gone. But the symptoms have been in plain sight for many many generations.

Far too many human beings find community in social groups based on ‘being against’ members of other groups. Based on fear and isolation, and easily degenerating into hatred, these social groups are driving the ‘collective becoming’ deeper and deeper into pathology and are a hugely destructive force on the planet. The news media and social media platforms, serving as a collective nervous system, support these groups, and easily become infected with lies and misinformation, spreading the infection far and wide.

How did we get here? And where exactly are we? Collectively, and individually, we are stuck in a case of arrested development. Becoming has lost touch with Being and this sends belonging into dysfunction and pathology. This disconnect is the primary definition of the the Sanskrit word duhkah, usually translated as suffering. Duhkha comes from an old Aryan root ‘kha‘, referring to the axle-wheel connection of a chariot. Sukha, easiness, effortless action, freedom, is a wheel that turns smoothly, being becoming and belonging as a single flow. Duhkha refers to a wheel that is stuck or way off center, giving a jarring disconnected ride.

How can we become ‘unstuck’? How can we alchemically transform duhkah into sukha, the dross of confusion into the gold of awakened being? To transform the collective pathology we must first do the work of investigating and healing our own inner worlds. We need to ‘wake up’ (to our True Nature), ‘grow up’ emotionally, and ‘clean up’ the ingrained traumas and the mess we have made of the environment. To truly move forward we also must make our spiritual practice the most important thing in our lives. As they say in Texas Hold’em poker, we have to ‘go all in’ on spiritual awakening.

An embodied spiritual practice a powerful entry into waking up and growing up. It allows a deepening of insight into how we literally resist the flow of life by creating boundaries, barriers and strategies of control, leading to and perpetuating the toxic emotions of irrational fear and anxiety. By sustaining attention on our inner world of sensations we can actually feel the contractions manifesting at all levels of the tissues, from muscles to fascia to nerves and cells. We feel the resistance to our breath and blood flow, to the peristaltic rhythms of the digestive system and the tension in our sense organs. These barriers, boundaries and resistance can be seen in the collective field as well, manifesting in the behaviors we see in society on a daily basis.

How do we work with these insights? The deepest level of meditation, what Adyashanti calls True Meditation (see below) involves resting as Primordial Awareness and allowing what arises in the mind field to just be. If our attention is held in an open space of love and compassion, the innate cellular intelligence, without the intruding assistance of the ego, will help the knots of resistance find pathways of healthy release. But this is not a beginning level practice because when the conditioning is strong and deeply embedded, letting it just be just often allows the ego-conditioning to hijack our attention. Attention provides more energy, strengthening the conditioning. Where attention goes, energy flows.

By cultivating discriminating intelligence, (viveka in Sanskrit), we learn to differentiate between the deep stillness of Presence, (Purusha in the Yoga Sutras) where all healing takes place, and the transient movements of thought and qi (Prakriti). We discriminate Pure Awareness from the vehicles though which Pure Awareness functions. This leads to a shift in self identity from the transience of the egoic activity to Atman, True Nature, Wholeness, the Tao. When we can learn to align attention to Being, Becoming can find healing. Then our sense of Belonging comes directly from Being, including all, without borders and boundaries.

How do we discover and cultivate discriminating intelligence, As eloquently stated in a modern quip, ‘The mind is a dangerous place. One should not venture in there alone. Dante had the Roman poet Virgil and his angel Beatrice as guides. But with a good map and the support of millennia of spiritual guidance, we can also jump in confidently.

Vedanta/Yoga, Buddhism and Taoism provide us with many refined maps of the inner environment, giving us reference points feel where Being or Spirit is becoming manifest in forms. The Taittiriya Upanishad, one of the source books for the key principles of Vedanta, describes five koshas, interwoven layers or sheaths of embodiment that can either obscure True Nature/ Atman or reveal it. These dimensions of existence can either obscure the light of Being, creating suffering; or they can allow us to live a life of freedom, purpose and celebration. These five nested layers are also linked by a parallel model into three bodies or shariras, which follow very closely the three treasures of Taoism, jing, qi and shen and somewhat similarly to three bodies of the Buddha, the dharmakaya, the sambogyakaya and the nirmanakaya.

What follows is a guide for when you get stuck or lost your meditation practice or your daily life. As an exercise, allow your attention to find and feel the felt sense of these increasingly denser layers of existence. They are usually presented from gross to subtle, from ignorance to awakening, but we are going to start from True Nature and move from most subtle to most tangible. These layers or bodies are vehicles of the Divine that are continually emerging from Ultimate Mystery and sustaining themselves moment to moment. But they need attention and nurturing to bring them more fully into becoming and belonging.

Ultimate Mystery, The Tao, Brahman in Vendanta, the dharmakaya in Buddhism; Inconceiveable, unmanifest: beyond being and non being; beyond light and dark; the infinite source of all that comes into being. Atman, True Nature, Spirit. “Before Abraham was, I am.”

The first emergence of spirit into form, the most subtle layer, is the anandamaya kosha, the body of bliss or great joy. This is also known as the karana sharira or causal body, the sambhoga kaya and is related to the Taoist ‘Shen’ or spirit, the light emanating from the candle. Spirit’s presence in matter, in its purest state is unconditional love, joy and deep compassion, as this week’s viral photo, as anandamaya kosha as you can get, demonstrates. Far more open in children, this effortless being can manifest in an infinite number of ways, from simple open presence to ecstatic trance and everything in between.

Speaking of ecstatic trance, in my early days of my spiritual awakening I was blessed to live on the same block in Boston as the Ramakrishna Vedanta Society. In 1971 I began my studies with Swami Sarvagatananda on the Bhagavad Gita, and the Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna (I still have my copy!) and was introduced to the possibilities of the world of mystic ecstasy though devotional or bhakti yoga.

(Gadadhar was Sri Ramakrishna’s given name.) ” At the age of six or seven Gadadhar had his first experience of spiritual ecstasy. One day in June or July, when he was walking along a narrow path between paddy-fields, eating puffed rice that he carried in a basket. he looked up at the sky and saw a beautiful, dark thundercloud. As it spread, rapidly enveloping the whole sky, a flight of snow white cranes passed in front of it. The beauty of the contrast overwhelmed the boy. He fell to the ground, unconscious, and the puffed rice went in all directions. Some villagers found him and carried him home in their arms. Galadhar later said that in that state he had experienced an indescribable joy”. In his later years, Ramakrishna explored many other religions though his vast open heart, demonstrating that they all lead to the same awakening.

May we all blessed to discover and re-inhabit such innocence, openness and freedom. For this Divine Love to fully operate in the world, it needs Divine intelligence and thus the next layer emerges. The rest of the koshas to come comprise the nirmanakaya, the body of Buddhas incarnation.

This next three koshas, comprise the suksha sharira, or subtle/energy body, the flame of the candle. The first is the vijnanamaya kosha, the sheath of intelligence and wisdom, also known as the buddhi. The Buddha was the one whose buddhi had fully awakened. Here the foundation is openness or presence and is the source of insight and cosmic vision, integrating infinite wisdom with the infinite compassion of the anandamaya kosha .

The Sanskrit word Mahat refers to the Intelligence of the Whole or the Universal Mind, and the vijnanmaya kosha is the link that opens to Mahat, allowing inherent wisdom of the Universe to manifest in the individual, so they may realize wholeness while still immersed in the ever-changing flow of an individual life. An awakened and integrated vijnanamaya kosha guides all of our daily decisions and actions from a place of wisdom and compassion and meditation practice strengthens this.

A living being wanting to survive and thrive in a complex world has a lot of information to process. This is handled by the manomaya kosha, the center layer of both the three subtle body koshas and the five koshas of the whole model. This sheath of mental activity or manas is highly complex vehicle of consciousness with its own inner levels to handle its differing functions and it is here that problems can arise.

Its first and primary function is to receive and organize information coming through the five outer sense organs and the inner senses of proprioception, kinesthesia and relational mirroring. Each sense has its information stream that can be cultivated through sustained attention. A musician trains their ears, a body worker their sense of touch, a chef their sense of taste and smell, and so on. We all use these to one degree or another and in meditation we are looking to open all the sensory portals so we may more fully take in the richness of the world. Dan Siegel’s ‘Wheel of Awareness meditation explore these information streams in a profound way. The sense organs and sensory perception are highly important in mediation and daily life is the information streaming is always in the present moment.

The manomaya kosha also records, stores and releases memories, activates imagination, and interprets our experiences by giving them meaning. These mental activities are also available for noticing in meditation, and in time, throughout our daily activities as well. Through learned memory, the manomaya kosha unconsciously facilitates habitual actions and in its more unconscious modes, it carries ideas, beliefs, myths and prejudices from our collective past that continue to shape our perception, thinking and behavior. Because of its capacities to operate unconsciously, this level of the manomaya kosha is where we all get stuck, affecting our perceptions, beliefs and behaviors.

Where I keep getting tripped up is in the habits I have encoded in meaning making process of mind. In my own personal practice, as I discover, or uncover places of resistance and holding, my first immediate reaction is fear. At the meaning making level, the unconscious interprets resistance as scary and dangerous and immediately triggers three possible actions: push it back into the unconscious and hope it goes away; run away from it through some form of distraction; or begin to wrestle it to regain control. Some of these patterns are part of a freeze response to some form of danger, real or imagined, but all in all, these are dysfunctional emotional patterns.

When my actions and perceptions become stuck in the manomaya kosha, a fear-contraction/fear-avoidance emotional feedback loop becomes established that is cut off from the level of intelligence, allowing no new information can get through. My noticing this, of course, is coming from the vijnanamaya kosha and the beginning of the healing, because it is no longer unconscious. This is still very challenging because the unconscious conditioning still has karmic emotional momentum

Too make it even more ‘interesting’, my self identity has also become entangled in the meaning making response. It is not just that my body/mind believes there is danger where none is present, but that it is my fault and that is because there is something inherently wrong with me. Shame and or spiritual terror are some of the wonderful gifts of my Irish Catholic DNA patterning. (There are also many good ones, such as my ease in connecting to the mystical world.) From the anandamaya kosha I can find compassion and from the vijnanamaya kosha some cosmic insight and context (so that is where that shit is coming from!), so I can patiently sit with the process and healing continues.

Now some stored traumas can carry a huge energetic charge of repressed energy and the guidance of a trained trauma facilitator may be necessary to help guide the nervous system through the resolution of these trapped energy loops. Working with my friend Caryn McHose over the years in Peter Levine’s Somatic Experiencing has been very helpful in safely navigating the stored traumas triggered in my psyche over the last few years. I am very grateful to have had her support and guidance. Now the pockets and places of resistance are minor and I can see them and the habituated reactions more clearly. They are still annoying and sometimes scary, but even those are conditioned reactions I can laugh with, some of the time.

The manomaya kosha is intinmately linked to the next kosha (and the densest level of the energy body), the pranamaya kosha, the sheath of prana. The pranamaya kosha has its own levels, from the subtle cellular activity all the way to the energies that move us through space. Here we find the most tangible manifestations of our emotions, our autonomic nervous system. The ‘stress response’ and the ‘relaxation response’ are easy to track, as we feel ‘wound up’, hot under the collar, or uptight’ under stress and chill, cool and calm when relaxed. We can feel quiet or depressed, aroused or agitated; too much energy (rajas), not enough energy (tamas), or ‘just right’ (sattva).

The breathing is the entry point into the pranamaya kosha and in the beginning, we allow the breath to keep letting go, to keep expanding and softening, noticing how various postures can facilitate this. When we link the vijnanamaya kosha to the manomaya kosha and pranamaya kosha, the three sheaths begin to operate as a single dynamic intelligence. Integration continues the healing as the light of the anandamaya kosha shines through all the layers. The pranamaya kosha can be explored in a more advanced way through pranayama practice, but it is important to note that ultimately we are looking to drop all efforts to control the flow of the life force, which is why pranayama is approached with caution.

The final sheath is the anamaya kosha, the sheath composed of food. This body of weight and mass, solid and measurable, is also known as the sthula sharira or gross body and corresponds to the wax of the candle. Gravity awakens this sheath through our felt sense of weight and lightness. In people who are ‘living in their heads’, this sheath is unconscious and the body is approached from thought. “Can you feel that?” ” I think so!”

As the anandamaya kosha awakens, bringing light into the density of matter, the whole Universe becomes our body. We realize Being as the source, becoming as the evolutionary journey of the Cosmos, belonging to life and all of creation, and Ultimate Mystery, The Tao. We feel the aliveness flowing through our body/minds moment to moment, from the micro-phase quantum levels emerging as quarks and electrons, to the macro-phase powers of gravity as Mother Earth dances with the sun, moon, stars and other galaxies. We come to know that Universe action is the source of all of our actions, all manifestations of creation, all emerging from an infinite unknowable spaciousness. The ultimate source of our body/mind is unbounded spaciousness. Ultimate Belonging is communion with all of existence, our Cosmic family.

Being: I am; Presence; The infinite Now; fundamental existence: ‘is-ness’. Before I am becomes ‘I am this’ or ‘I am that’, there is just ‘I am’, Unchanging, Unlimited, Aware and Awake. Resting in Stillness, resting as Stillness, resting as True Nature.

Becoming: Growth and decay; evolution; learning, changing; continuously transforming; transience, flow. Body changing, mind changing, citta vrttis, weather and politics and more.

Belonging: inter-being; sharing, relating, linking, joining, supporting, nurturing, communing.
“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.” Grouch Marx

Adyashanti on True Meditation

True meditation has no direction or goal. It is pure wordless surrender, pure silent prayer. All methods aiming at achieving a certain state of mind are limited, impermanent, and conditioned. Fascination with states leads only to bondage and dependency. True meditation is abidance as primordial awareness.

True meditation appears in consciousness spontaneously when awareness is not being manipulated or controlled. When you first start to meditate, you notice that attention is often being held captive by focus on some object: on thoughts, bodily sensations, emotions, memories, sounds, etc. This is because the mind is conditioned to focus and contract upon objects. Then the mind compulsively interprets and tries to control what it is aware of (the object) in a mechanical and distorted way. It begins to draw conclusions and make assumptions according to past conditioning.

In true meditation all objects (thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories, etc.) are left to their natural functioning. This means that no effort should be made to focus on, manipulate, control, or suppress any object of awareness. In true meditation the emphasis is on being awareness; not on being aware of objects, but on resting as primordial awareness itself. Primordial awareness is the source in which all objects arise and subside.

As you gently relax into awareness, into listening, the mind’s compulsive contraction around objects will fade. Silence of being will come more clearly into consciousness as a welcoming to rest and abide. An attitude of open receptivity, free of any goal or anticipation, will facilitate the presence of silence and stillness to be revealed as your natural condition.

As you rest into stillness more profoundly, awareness becomes free of the mind’s compulsive control, contractions, and identifications. Awareness naturally returns to its non-state of absolute unmanifest potential, the silent abyss beyond all knowing.

Vulnerably Grounded in Spaciousness

Posted on March 25, 2020 by admin

Patanjali’s definition of posture, sthira sukham (asanam) desribes the embodied state of being in harmony with both the force of gravity and the natural spaciousness of the Universe. The feeling is that you are floating, which in many ways is true. Internally, there is a release of compression in the blood vessels and nerves, allowing the blood and qi to circulate and flow more freely. This is more easily felt in movement, where the ‘sukham’ or fluid flow through spaciousness is more obvious. In the non-movement of a yoga pose, the sukham is felt as the harmonious flow of blood and qi, even as the outer body remains still. In referring to meditation, Adyashanti describes stillness as the complete absence of resistance to the flow of life. This is another way to describe sthira sukham.

On a cosmic level, all forms in the Universe floating. This NASA photo taken from a million miles away shows our moon gliding past Mother Earth, a big blue ball floating in space. If we look deeply, we can see that not only are we floating, but we are very vulnerable. To us tiny beings on the planet, the earth seems immense. But in a more cosmically oriented reality, it is tiny. Life, and the conditions that allow life are rare, precious and vulnerable in the vast Universe. Covid-19 is here to remind the whole planet of this reality and to encourage us to open our hearts, which know vulnerability intimately, more completely.

Vulnerability can lead to deeper opening through an embodied sense of compassion and tenderness. But is also can create the contracting effects of fear and anxiety. This is true both personally and collectively, as we can see in our personal and collective responses to the covid-19 virus. Our responsibility, that is, our ability to respond, to this amazing historical moment, needs to honor the fear appropriately, (social distancing and rigorous hand washing everyone). But we also need to be present to all that arises in the collective field, with compassion and tenderness, to ourselves and others. This is where our practice can hopefully pay off. I remember Iyengar, many years ago, both playfully and seriously describe the need to practice even more diligently when things are going well, quoting the old proverb “make hay while the sun shines”. We’ve been training for this for a while, and now is time to really bring our ‘sthira sukaham‘ vulnerability out into the world, in whatever way we can.

For those new to meditation, ‘vulnerable grounded spaciousness’ is not an easily accessible state of embodiment, as the energetic field holding together the fluids, fibers, organs and tissues of the body carries unresolved and unprocessed wounds and traumas, embedded as patterns of holding and tension. Humans, being expressions of the vulnerability of life, have had to develop survival strategies to remain alive. Implicit in ‘I am vulnerable’ is ‘the world is dangerous’ and ‘I need to defend myself against ‘other”.

Our life experiences, beginning soon after conception, are inevitably filled with moments of pre-verbal fear and anxiety. Continuing through infancy and childhood and on into adulthood, these experiences have the possibility of being resolved and dissolving back into the infinite. However, when very young, even small traumas can overwhelm the immature nervous system and become repressed before they can be resolved. They embed themselves in the tissues as patterns of tension, and remain in the background, unconscious, but influencing our behavior. Over the years, more and more wounds and traumas can accumulate, some being of major intensity.

The ideas and beliefs that evolve along with this survival process create a set of mental processes we call the ego and these become the dominant on-going story of our inner world. (The skandhas are a useful model to describe aspects of this development.) Our innate sense of Wholeness is repressed into the deep unconscious. In the Christian world, this repression is referred to as the “Fall from Grace” or original sin. We all know the feeling of separation and alienation from ourselves, and we are all on the journey back home, awakening to our always and already present Wholeness or True Nature.

Depending on the quality of our parenting, our capacity to self-regulate, and eventually resolve, these internalized states and energetic threats to our vulnerability can range for pretty good to very poor. We all enter adulthood with a some layers of unconsciousness, undigested trauma. Important to note is that the unconscious holds not only our own personal wounds, but also those of our ancestors, passed down through parental patterning, our cultural collective field, and the collective wounds and traumas embedded in the whole human collective unconscious. Meditation practice brings attention to the these unconscious patterns as they arise in the mind field. Awakening, or bringing the light of loving compassionate attention to these layers of the psyche, is what expanding consciousness means. As these traumas arise in our field of awareness, we need skillful means to manage, transform and heal them.

In meditation, when our attention is hijacked by our thoughts, there is usually not a large energetic charge to the process, and we can settle back into some level of stillness relatively easily. However, it is a different story when the hijacking involves trauma. Even outside of mediation, in daily life, we have all had the experience of our attention being hikjacked by some anxiety or fear and feeling the fight or flight mode of survival kick in. Because Covid-19 is activating everyone on the planet and triggering their unconscious, unresolved issues, this is a great time to work on healing both our individual and collective traumas. These powerful energetic states are looking for resolution or transformation, but without conscious skill and attention, we can end up feeding them with more fear energy.

The process of training the nervous system to handle emotional overwhelm is known as self-regulation, and is a primary aspect of parenting, psychotherapy and meditation. A grounded, spacious and loving nervous system can hold the field for another so they can learn to sensibly monitor and modulate their own their own nervous system responses to the moment. A child feels afraid and the parent holds and soothes, allowing her calmness to permeate the nervous system of the child. A therapist remains grounded and calm in their own heart and nervous system, guiding the client to become present, to navigate their inner feelings without being overwhelmed. In meditation, we become a parent to our traumatized inner child, healing ourselves from our own connection to unconditional love.

This is the healing power of the relational field and we can take it out into the world. Not by imposing anything, but by just remaining vulnerable, grounded and spacious as life unfolds around and through us, the collective field is soothed. Of course, the more of us soothing, the more powerful the effect.

The relational field flows both ways of course. Anxiety and fear in the parents also imprint on their children. Demagogues prey upon the fear and anxiety in others to whip up a frenzy of paranoia that they use to further their own ego-driven need for power. This is why we humans, individually and collectively are so emotionally complicated. We often cannot tell where the fear is actually coming from, and thus cannot heal it.

Fear is a healthy expression of our survival instinct. Without it, animal life would not have survived. (Plants do not have nervous systems, so I’m not sure how they internally deal with vulnerability.) Vulnerability is the ultimate expression of life. In the non human world, fear arises in response to a real threat, the nervous system shifts gears and the organism flees, fights or freezes.

Evolution has presented a challenge with the human because we have a nervous system that has evolved to respond to the reality of the present moment. But we have also added new neuronal circuits that can jump back and forth in time, totally losing track of the present moment, and confusing the older structures. The human mind can conjure up fear when there is no danger at all in the present and the flight or flight response triggers. We can project an imaginary scary future and get all contracted inside, now. Or something triggers a chunk of stored, undigested fear or anxiety, stored in the body, and we feel terrified as if there is a real threat happening now. When a real threat like covid-19 appears, we often over-react because the unresolved fears of the past also flood the system, and it is unclear what responses are appropriate and which ones are not. We can act ir-response-ibly when emotionally confused.

Practice

In your sitting practice, or even when standing and walking, take time to trace the flow of gravity downward, allowing your attention/imagination to travel all the way through, to the other side of the earth and beyond. Notice that you end up moving into space. If you really allow the earth to hold you, spaciousness spontaneously arises as a natural expression of the cosmic order. This is sthira sukham, or grounded spaciousness. Begin to notice that all the non-human beings on our planet are continuously expressing sthira sukham. Time for us to join the party.

However, as wonderful and important as this is, this is still a grounded-ness in the world of form. It leads to a relaxing and opening in the nervous system and this can be a portal to true stability, or should I write True Stability, which is Self Realization, or total identification with the Ground of Being, or True Nature. Nothing more stable than the ‘unchanging unbounded Presence. This is why True Meditation is so important.

True Nature, ever-present and yet hidden, cannot not be discovered through thought. We have to feel our way down and in, through the layers of our psyche, into the unknown. Thought can only regurgitate what it already knows. It knows not of the unknown. When we can create some level of outer silence, to eliminate distraction, and our attention can turn inward, thoughts and emotions throw up more distractions. They are neither good nor bad, just distractions. Practice is patiently allow these distractions to come and go without reacting.

The habitual grasping and avoiding really want to do their thing, but we can develop patience by training the mind to stabilize on a seed form, (see previous post). As the seed matures and takes on a life of its own, holding the energy field of the body/mind in a state of integrated coherence, we can feel/listen even more deeply and allow True Nature to reveal itself. Awakening cannot be willed, but received, as Divine Grace. As Richard Baker Roshi, one time head of the San Francisco Zen Center once said, ‘Awakening is an accident, but practice makes you accident prone.”

Keep practicing !

Addendum to the previous post: More Japa:

OM
the ultimate mantra

Pause – Relax – Open – Allow
From Frank Ostaseski. any and/or all of the words work

Metta Phrases: Feel free to use ones that have the most meaning for you.
May I (We) be safe.
May we be healthy.
May we be happy.
May we be filled with loving kindness

Seeing Through the Eyes of Stillness

Posted on November 27, 2019 by admin

Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

I just had my fifth chemo infusion yesterday. One more to go on December 17th. Its been a slog through fatigue, digestive challenges and weird taste buds, with lots of sports watching and crossword puzzles to keep me going when I am too tired to move. My plunge down the rabbit hole of this round will begin in a day or two, so I am trying to take advantage of some moments of clarity.

There has been a major bonus to this adventure and that has been the leap in my practice. Nothing like depleted yang energy to slow you down and help awaken to the ever-present stillness, or as Adyashanti is currently calling it, the Ground of Being. Patanjali, in sutra I-3, refers to this as ‘drashtu svarupe‘, the True Nature of the Seer, with the lovely addition ‘avasthanam’, from the Sanskrit root ‘stha’ meaning stable, also seen in II-46, sthira sukham asanam. In other words, Patanjali’s definition of Yoga requires your ‘self-sense’, an emergent expression of the ahamkara, the ‘I maker’ in Samkhya philosophy, to be stably grounded in Being. For most of us, the grounding is unstable for some time as we occcasionally/peridoically/often slip back into inhabiting the patterns, beliefs, concepts and stories of the egoic ‘self-sense’. ( See previous posts on the Skandhas.)

We all have glimpses of the awakened state, even those without a spiritual practice. Our ever-present ‘True Nature’, is always luminating our lives. We just do not see this, thus the term ‘avidya’, translated as ignorance, but which literally means ‘not seeing’. When our hearts are open in our relationships, or when Mother Nature awakens our innate sense of awe and wonder at her immense power, elegance and beauty, we are there. We tend not to realize what is happening in the moment, which is usually a good thing, because when the ego does the recognizing, the spell is broken. We are all very familiar with that pattern. And this is why we practice.

The challenge is to create a practice specifically for grounding the self sense in the infinite. (We can also use the synonymous terms: Ground of Being, True Nature, Buddha Nature, Brahman, Presence, Pure Awareness, Stillness or Ultimate Mystery as pointers.) Of course, in trying to do so, what we encounter immediately is the seemingly random nature of our ‘attentional faculties. What does it mean to ‘pay attention’ and to sustain that attention in a specific direction?

In Patanjali’s third chapter, the Vibhuti Pada, he completes and integrates the last three limbs of the eight practice Ashtanga yoga. Number six is ‘dharana’, bringing your attention to a one point focus. This is often the breath, but can be the sound-scape surrounding you, a mantra, sensations of the body, etc. Limb seven is ‘dhyana‘ or sustaining your attention through an act of will power. (Dhyana became “Chan’ when the teaching moved into China, and Chan morphed into Zen when itreached Japan.) Will power is needed because the deeply embedded habits of attention are to restlessly jump around, creating the aptly described ‘monkey mind’.

Progressing from dharana to dhyana is not a simple path. Patanjali, in sutra I- 14 states
sa tu dirgha-kala-nairantarya-satkarasevito drdha-bhumih
Stability of mind requires continuous practice, over a long period of time, without interruption, and with an attitude of devotion and love.

‘Long period of time’ strongly implies patience, persistence, self compassion and a sense of humor. When the egoic mind is driving the bus, it is not a fun ride, because this transition to stabilizing the attention can unfold over your whole lifetime. The great wonder and delight is that the awakening mind is ever-present offering clues and advice and we can nurture our connection there through the setting of intentions. Awakening does not take place in time!

When our sustained attention no longer requires will power and becomes natural and effortless, we call it Samadhi. In this state of absorption both time and self sense drop away. Now to be clear, samadhi is not necessarily awakening, although it is a powerful preparation. Because the absorption is still engaged in the world of form and impermanence, there is still something missing. The leap comes in being able to stay absorbed focally, and then allow the attention dissolve into spacious awareness.

As an example, I have chosen to sit for 5 minutes and follow my breath. Maybe by counting, or tracking sensation in the body, but I know that my mind will drift away. So my intention, set at the beginning is to, when ever I notice that the mind has drifted, to gently, lightly and humorously bring it back. This may happen five times, ten times, doesn’t matter. It’s a game with only winning.

Another intention is to just see the whole process with a sense of wonder. My mind is wandering, and “I know’ the mind is wandering’. Wow, this is cool! When the ‘I’ drops away and only ‘knowing’ remains, this is Pure Awareness. The judgment, criticism, boredom and frustration that inevitably arise are all expressions of the egoic mind states, but I can also notice them with a sense of lightness and wonder. Wow! ‘I See’ these egoic mind states as they appear. They are not me, but mental phenomenon arising I can notice and observe. When the I drops away, again, this “Seeing” is “Pure Awareness.

If the I does not drop away, we have what is often called the ‘witness’ or witnessing consciousness. We all begin here and it is a helpful step in dropping identification with thoughts. As Patanjali says, in completing the trilogy on yoga in I-4,
vrrti svarupyam itaratra. (At other times, that is, when not in the state of yoga), there is identification with mental patterns, leading to the dysfunctional mind states that then predominate.

The ‘I am witnessing’, or ‘I see’, or ‘I know’ is still dualistic. There is the observer, me, and what is being observed. The witness has been called the last refuge of the ego and dissolving the ‘I’ is one of the more challenging aspects to practice. In the last sutra in the Samadhi Pada, Patanjali describes this:

I-51 tasyaapi nirodhe sarva-nirodhaan nir-biijah samaadhih
Upon the cessation of even those (truth-bearing samskaras) seedless samadhi is attained.

Recognizing that I am not my body, not my thoughts or memories, etc is crucial. These are some of the ‘truth bearing ideas’ Patanjali is referring to. But they are still thoughts.

To return to the more beginning aspects of our practice, the mental arisings/thoughts/beliefs and ideas are the citta vrtttis mentioned by Patanjali in the oft quoted Sutra I-2, yogash citta vrtti nirodha. The term ‘nirodha‘ is a key one to understand because it is easily misunderstood, by the egoic mind of course, which cleverly uses it to keep itself alive and well. “Oh, I have to get rid of my thoughts, or stop thinking”. Or maybe it appears in one of it’s more virulent strains “I have to get rid of my ego!” Only the egoic mind could come up with that one. Fast lane to suffering there!

Meditation practice is in many ways about impulse control. As described in the third skandha, perception/impulse, the egoic structures essentially begin to coalesce here, so here we can begin to transform them. We need the skandhas. It is important to have strong stabilizing structures to help organize the potentially chaotic flow of energy and information our organism needs for surviving and thriving. If I were a reptile, my whole life would be based on perception and impulse. My development stops here. Survival, food and sex. The right information comes in, a reflex is activated, action happens. Otherwise, not much happening. No contemplation of the world around me. No analysis.

As a human, information comes in, and I can pause before I act. Do I really want to do/say that? I check my memory. Haven’t I been down this road before? My higher cortical funtions can be brought to bear on the situation. This is known as mindfulness, or the high road, integrating the uniquely human pre-frontal cortex. Or, if there has been trauma of some other form of pain associated the situation, the low road, amygdala/fear impulsive reaction happens suddenly.

In a meditation practice, our impulsive nature is often trivial, but none-the -less actively engaged. By knowing ahead of time that this is coming, I can set my intentions to stay mindful, using compassion, patience and humor, to slowly develop the capacity for nirodha, impulse control. The thoughts will come. Pleasant and unpleasant, klishta/aklisha, spiritual or downright embarrassing. They will come. Our humanness has thousands of generations of momentum moving through us so self compassion is very important. But with patience, and understanding we are not trying to stop the thoughts from coming, but only to inhibit our need to react, we begin to discover the natural spaciousness of the mind field, its innate intelligence, and its unconditional love. And when we ‘see’ what is arising this way, we are seeing through the eyes of stillness, and strengthening our capacity to remain here, where ever we are, under whatever circumstances my be arising.

The other side of practice, especially one that has been proceeding for many years, is that egoic habits can be ingrained unconsciously. I have discovered that I am highly over-attached to bodily sensations. I have spent untold hours and years staying engaged and swimming in the inner ocean. With a nudge from the ego, focal attention becoame a form of obsession. I have an old karmic ‘granthi’ or energetic knot, in my third chakra area. It shows up in the spinal column at T-12, and in the surrounding tissues, tendons, organs etc. Many incarnations of fears seem to be stored here, and the last two years have pushed me right up against this. My habit, now that this is no longer unconscious, is to get stuck there, constrict and panic, a classic low road amygdala loop. The egoic belief translates this as ‘there is something seriously wrong with me and there is no escape. Body constricts, blood pressure rises, I feel my BP rising and go ‘oh no, and then it spikes some more. I’ve developed ‘blood pressure phobia’. Doctors, hospitals and a cancer diagnosis have been a perfect petri dish to grow this.

My stored trauma has become a major source of practice and learning. Fear can be amusing in an odd spiritual kind of way. It was also very reassuring to see that in Adyashanti’s latest book, “The Most Important Thing”, he devotes a whole chapter, “The Dirty Little Secret of Spiritual Practice” to this very same knot. Fortunately, my practice has also given me some skills to play with this fun experience. About 8 years ago I stated to my inner self, ‘bring on whatever I need to wake up”. I’m ready. No idea what would happen, but now I am beginning to “See” what this is all about. Knowing it intellectually is not enough. Even having glimpses of the infinite aren’t enough. Stabilizing this requires embodying the awakening, in the cells and organs. This arises when we can see our deepest fears and traumas through the eyes of stillness. Healing arises when the trauma is held, through attention, within the open spaciousness of the Ground of Being. The body is a short term rental anyway, but while it is our home, it can serve as a tremendous source of creativity and healing energy that we can contribute to the planetary awakening emerging fitfully in our historical moment.

As Mr. Iyengar laughingly stated in a class many years ago, “make hay while the sun shines”. He was referring to our personal practice, meaning when you are feeling good is the best time to go deeper, to invest more time. Don’t wait until trouble arises. It is like building a savings account of karma that will serve you when the inevitable challenges come along. The Ground of Being is the ultimate refuge, the ultimate root of all healing and transformation. It is ever-present. Realize this, allow it to just be, and your life will unfold exactly as it needs to.